The Kübler-Ross Model
by presidentpelly
Summary: [Major spoilers for final episode] Ryuko never really got over losing Senketsu.
1. Denial

_"The Kübler-Ross model, or the five stages of grief, is a series of emotional stages experienced when a person is faced with impending death or death of someone. The five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance."_

* * *

_**Denial**_

It had been exactly a week now.

Ryuko had been locked away in her bedroom for a full week and no one had seemed to notice yet.

And she was glad.

'_I wonder what they'd say if they came on and saw all this,_' she thought to herself, looking at the loose sheets of paper that covered her bedroom floor like a thin, papery carpet, decorated with messy handwriting and inky tear stains. '_Would they think I'm crazy? __**Am**__ I going crazy?_'

Her fist tightened around the red piece of ripped fabric she'd been holding onto for most of the week. That piece of fabric was the reason she started acting like this in the first place.

Because it was a sign.

A sign that Senketsu was still there.

He wasn't dead. It was absolutely ridiculous for her to think that. Why would Senketsu leave her like that? He loved her and Ryuko loved him back. He wouldn't just go and die. He couldn't...

That piece of cloth she found... It was proof he was still there, wasn't it? It couldn't just be a coincidence that she found a piece of fabric in the middle of the street that was the exact same texture and color of Senketsu's scarf. Ryuko knew for sure that this had to mean something more.

She just had to find the rest of the pieces, right? Just like last time. And then she could stitch them back together and Senketsu would be with her again and she wouldn't have to be so sad any more.

But for now she just had to focus on talking to him.

"C'mon, Senketsu," she whispered to the piece of cloth, holding it close to her face, "Talk to me. Please. I know you're there..."

No reply.

"Please?"

Nothing.

Ryuko slammed her fist on the floor in frustration, tears streaming down her face. "Please! I'll do anything! Please just talk to me!" she screamed in a near hysterical voice, "Why won't you just fucking talk to me?!"

She took another look at the papers surrounding her, all of them being letters to Senketsu. They were all mostly the same; they started off normal enough, but ended with desperate written pleas for Senketsu to do something,_ anything_ to prove that he was still there.

They didn't seem to be working either.

But she couldn't give up hope, not now.

Grabbing what was left of her tattered notebook, Ryuko took her pen and stated writing again. She didn't bother with the greeting this time; she just went straight to begging.

Her shaky hand grasped the pen awkwardly, the damp tear-stained paper ripping beneath its nib, but she didn't stop writing until the page was filled with as many "please talk to me"s she could fit.

She ripped the paper out of the notebook and set it down on the floor, carefully placing that precious piece of cloth beside it. Then she waited.

And waited.

But nothing happened.

"Do something, Senketsu... please..." she whispered.

Still nothing.

Ryuko closed her eyes and covered her ears with her hands, mentally begging him to speak to her. Maybe if she just focused on talking to him, she'd hear something. He was still there, and she knew it. Senketsu wasn't dead, right? He was just finding it hard to communicate with her because she'd ignored him for so long.

"You're not dead," she said aloud, "I won't believe it... not until you tell me yourself."

_Knock._

Ryuko opened her eyes. There was someone at the door. She glared at it with wide eyes. "W-who is it?"

"It's me, Ryuko-chan! Can I come in?"

It was Mako.

"Fuck off," Ryuko yelled back, "I don't wanna talk."

Mako was quiet for a moment."Ryuko-chan... Is everything alright? We're all really worried about you! Can I please come in?"

"I'm fine, now go away." Ryuko quickly grabbed her piece of fabric and held it close to her chest protectively. "Just go away. And don't you fucking dare get Satsuki to come either."

"Ryu-"

"Piss off! I'm not gonna tell you again!"

Mako opened the door anyway, flooding the once dark room with light. "And _I'm _not gonna le-"

She didn't get to finish her sentence. Because once she stepped into the room, she saw it.

The paper's everywhere, the unmade bed, Ryuko curled up on the floor wearing nothing but her underwear.

For once, Mako was speechless.

Ryuko didn't say anything either.

After a minute, Mako bent down and picked up one of the sheets of paper, studying it carefully. Her eyes scanned over it, and then filled with tears. "R-Ryuko-chan..."

Before Ryuko could say anything, Mako was already on the floor beside her, hugging her tightly. "I-I'm so sorry! You poor thing!"

"Get off me," Ryuko mumbled, tensing up and tightening her grip on her piece of fabric, "I don't need you to feel sorry for me."

"_Shh_, I know it's hard for you, but you can't just shut yourself away like this. You need to talk to someone about it," Mako said, gently patting Ryuko's hair, "Maybe you can go see a... a bereavement counsellor or something? I'm sure Satsuki can arrange something for you."

"And why would she need to do that? I don't _need _to see anyone. Besides, don't those counsellors only help with getting over dead people?" Ryuko stared at Mako, waiting for her response, though she already has an idea of what she was going to say.

"Well, Senketsu is... he's... y'know... not wi-"

Ryuko pushed Mako off of her and sat up, glaring down at her. "He's _what_?!"

"Um... dead?"

"No he's not, you idiot! He's still here, I know he is! Don't you dare say he's dead!"

"R-Ryuko-chan, please. He is... you said so yourself, remember?" Mako stood up, looking hurt. "Why are you being so mean to me? I'm just tryna help you..."

"Because you're being stupid! Senketsu isn't dead," Ryuko showed her the red piece of fabric she'd been holding onto for so long, "See?"

"Is that..." Mako eyes widened in disbelief, "No... Where did you find that?"

"On the street, right outside this building. It's a sign, Mako. He's still here! This is just his way of telling me!"

"Ryuko-chan..."

Ryuko knew Mako thought she was crazy. But she didn't care. She knew Senketsu was still out there, and that's all that mattered. She didn't _need _ Mako to believe her.

"How long has it been since you slept or ate?"

"Dunno, don't care."

Mako stood still for a moment, biting her lip. Then she grabbed Ryuko by the arm and tugged on it. "You need to sleep, Ryuko-chan! Come on, get in bed."

Ryuko didn't budge.

"Please! This isn't healthy!" Mako tugged harder on her arm, trying to pull her towards the bed, "You're gonna make yourself sick. You need to get some sleep!"

"No, I don't... I c-can't," Ryuko whispered, her voice cracking as she tried not to cry. "What if... w-what if Senketsu tries to t-talk to me while I'm s-sleeping?"

The two stared at each other with teary eyes. Eventually, Ryuko pulled her arm free and slowly crawled over to her bed. She didn't feel like arguing any more.

Mako followed behind her, carefully tucking her in once she laid down. "Do you want me to call Satsuki?" she asked, gently running a hand through Ryuko's messy hair. "I know you said not to but... I think we should tell her. Only if you want to though..."

Ryuko shrugged, trying to slide down beneath the blankets.

"...I'll call her now, okay?" Mako stood up, hesitating for a moment before exiting the room and closing the door behind her.

Ryuko rolled over and covered herself completely with the duvet, stroking her piece of cloth as she held it close to her face. "Don't you worry, Senketsu," she whispered, "You can wake me up if you need to. I won't mind."

She could hear Mako talking on the phone outside. She really didn't want to deal with her sister, not right now, not when she was like this. She knew exactly what Satsuki would say to her if she found out about this.

Taking one last look at "Senketsu", Ryuko closed her eyes and slowly cried herself to sleep.

* * *

(A/N:) eh just an idea thing i had because i like to write angst... and yep i'll do a chapter for each of the stages. hopefully i finish this pretty soon though lmaaoo. Anyway, hope you enjoyed! concrit is appreciated!


	2. Anger

_**Anger**_

"Eat."

Ryuko looked up at Satsuki with a blank expression, a vacant look in her eyes. "No," she deadpanned in response.

Her sister sighed and rolled her eyes, pushing the plate closer to her "Ryuko, you're going to make yourself ill. You need to eat."

"And what if I don't? Will I die? Oh wait, I _can't_," Ryuko spat, pushing the plate back towards Satsuki, "I'm not hungry. I don't wanna eat."

"Suit yourself then" Satsuki muttered, leaving the plate where it was and sipping at her tea thoughtfully. They'd had this argument every single day for the past two weeks and it was getting tiring. Ryuko always ended up weakening though, not that she'd eat the whole meal, but she'd just pick at it. But that was better than nothing.

Satsuki tossed her hair and looked up at her sister, "So, how was your day, Ryuko?"

"Shit."

"Anything exciting happen?"

"No."

Satsuki sighed irritably. Ryuko just stared at her, once again adopting her blank bored expression.

"Ryuko, I kno-"

"I woke up, took a shower, went to that stupid fucking "bereavement counsellor", came back here, took a nap and now I'm having dinner. Is that better? Or do you want more details? Like how long I was in the shower, or what I told that bullshit shrink?" Ryuko said loudly before Satsuki could finish her sentence, her voice growing angrier and angrier with each word as she stared at Satsuki with wild eyes.

"Now, I'm not _that _invasive," Satsuki said quietly, taking another sip of her tea. She didn't say anything else, in fear of aggravating Ryuko any more than she already had.

Satsuki felt so helpless. No matter what she did, she couldn't make Ryuko feel better. She'd gotten her the best psychiatrist in the country, she'd tried to be kind and understanding, she'd done everything she could to make sure Ryuko was comfortable and happy but nothing worked. Ryuko stayed miserable and moody, never leaving the house or her room unless Satsuki dragged her outside. She understood that her sister was still very upset over Senketsu, but was that really a good excuse? Satsuki was going through rough times herself in terms of mental and emotional trauma, but she wasn't acting unnecessarily mean and irritated. She wasn't taking her sadness and anger out on the people who were just trying to help. It didn't seem fair.

She glanced over at Ryuko, who was no longer looking fierce and angry, but rather sad and scared. Her eyes were glazed over, a tear rolled down her cheek and she was biting her bottom lip. Her hand was shoved into one of the pockets of her jacket, most likely rubbing that piece of cloth that she said was Senketsu.

She'd wouldn't even let Satsuki _look _at it now, let alone touch it.

Satsuki had tried to take it off her on that day, but Ryuko nearly lost it when Satsuki pried open her hands and took it. She'd seen her sister look distraught before, but never like that. The look on her face alone was enough to tell Satsuki to just let her keep the damned rag, even though it obviously wasn't going to help her recover.

Ryuko bowed her head, her messy black hair hiding her face. Satsuki heard her muttering something unintelligible under her breath. She was probably speaking to Senketsu. She did that a lot, especially when her and Satsuki were having some... difficulties.

It hurt Satsuki to see Ryuko act like that. Satsuki knew that the piece of fabric Ryuko found was definitely _not _Senketsu. Even though she'd only worn him for a very short period of time, she knew from wearing a kamui herself that fabric stitched with Life Fibers felt rough and heavy. That piece of fabric was light and soft. The frayed edges didn't look at all like Life Fibers either, they just looked like regular threads. The color was the one thing Satsuki wasn't sure about. It looked like the same shade of red as his scarf, but she couldn't be sure, especially when Ryuko didn't let her look at it.

Not that she would ever tell Ryuko any of those things. If she did, she wasn't sure what Ryuko would do. She didn't even want to think about it.

Satsuki looked at Ryuko again. She was staring at the middle of the table, her eyes wide and unblinking. Satsuki shook her head sadly and then stood up, "I'm going out now. I need to go to the bank. Will you be okay here by yourself?"

Ryuko nodded.

"I'll be back within the hour. Please try to eat something while I'm gone." Satsuki walked towards the kitchen door and gently patted her sister's shoulder as she passed by her. "See you in a while."

"...Bye."

Ryuko didn't even look at her.

Satsuki took a step back worriedly, almost not wanting to leave. But Ryuko looked like she wanted to be left alone. The least she could do was give her an hour of peace.

* * *

Ryuko sat at the kitchen table, gingerly nibbling at a piece of bread. She didn't want to be here. She wanted to go back to her own home. But Satsuki wouldn't let her. It wasn't fair,

She didn't remember much of what happened on that night.

She vaguely remembered Mako and Satsuki sitting down her bed and talking to her, constantly asking her stupid questions. She remembered Mako trying to help her get dressed. She remembered sitting the back of Satsuki's car crying. The rest was all a blur. The next day she woke up in an unfamiliar bed, and Satsuki told her she was going to stay with her until she got "better".

Ryuko snorted. Better? Was there something wrong with her? As far as she was concerned, there wasn't. Even her counsellor, as stupid as he was, told her she wasn't crazy or sick in the head, she was just experiencing "extreme delayed grief". Most of what he said was bullshit, but he'd made it very clear that she wasn't ill. She didn't need to get better.

She didn't need Satsuki.

She didn't need anyone.

She just needed Senketsu.

A tear rolled down her cheek as she stroked the fabric scrap in her pocket. She pulled it out of her pocket and stared at it with teary eyes.

"Senketsu? P-please talk to me. She's gone now i-it's just you and me! You can ta-talk to me all you want" she said in a husky voice that was laced with desperation.

No reply.

It was harder for her to try and talk to him now that she was staying with Satsuki. Whenever she tried to make him talk to her, Satsuki would hear her pleading and would interrupt, trying to "calm her down". Ryuko didn't even get a chance to try it any more, because Satsuki kept an eye on her at all times and didn't let her go into her room, the only place she had a bit of privacy, unless she was sleeping or getting changed.

"Please? Please, Senketsu, I-I'll do anything."

He was still keeping quiet, even though they were alone now.

Ryuko's hand shook, and she started feeling less desperate and upset and more angry.

Why was he doing this to her? He was well able to talk to her, even though he was only a tatter piece of cloth now. He was able to talk to her when Nui had sliced him up and all that was left was part of his scarf, wasn't he? So why not now? Didn't her love her? Didn't he want her to be happy? Why wouldn't he talk to her?

Ryuko slammed her fist on the table, letting out a groan of frustration.

How could he do this to her? Was this some kind of punishment, for all those times she'd acted cold and mean towards him? Or was it revenge for the time she'd turned into a rampaging monster and dragged him down with her, or for the time she'd worn Junketsu? Was this his way of making her feel bad for that?

"I'm sorry!" she shouted, starting to cry again. "I'm sorry, Senketsu! I didn't mean it, I swear! I'm sorry for being a bitch to you, I'm sorry for getting so angry at you, I'm sorry for not being able to control my-myself, I'm sorry for not wearing you! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry!" she screamed, throwing the piece of fabric on the table.

"Why are you doing this to me?! Don't you love me?! Why did you just fucking leave me like that?! Do you hate me or something?!" She stood up and pointed her finger at "Senketsu" accusingly. "Well, I h-hate you too! I fucking hate you!"

Ryuko stormed across the room and pulled open the cutlery drawer. Satsuki had forgotten to lock it today. She pulled out a sharp pair of scissors and rushed across the room, picking "Senketsu" up again.

If he wouldn't talk to her, if he was going to be moody and completely ignore her like this, then she didn't want to hear from him ever again.

"Fuck you! I don't need this and I don't need _you_!" Ryuko yelled.

Then she started cutting. The scissors snipped at the fabric hastily, reducing it to nothing but loose thread and ragged thin strips. Ryuko's hand shook violently, making her cut herself some of the time instead of the fabric, but that didn't stop her. She had a manic look in her eyes, her breathing was heavy and tears of frustration fell from her eyes. She didn't stop until there was nothing left to cut.

She was quiet for a moment. She stood there with blood dripping from her fingers onto the red thread covering her clothes and the floor at her feet.

Then it hit her.

She'd just destroyed the only piece of Senketsu she had left.

Ryuko dropped the scissors and threw herself on the floor, frantically trying to gather up the threads and ruined fabric with her trembling bloodied hands. She sobbed, muttering "I'm sorry" over and over again. Those mutters soon turned into high-pitched hysterical screams as she knelt on the floor trying to put the pieces back together.

The door behind her suddenly opened.

It was Satsuki.

She looked concerned, and said something, but whatever it was was drowned out by Ryuko's loud and hysterical repeated apologies.

Satsuki wasted no time in getting on the floor beside Ryuko and wrapped her arms around her, pulling her into the corner away from the cut up scraps of "Senketsu". Ryuko cried harder, struggling, but Satsuki kept a firm grip on her and gently pushed her face into her chest, shushing her.

"I-I didn't mean it!" Ryuko shrieked between sobs, "I didn't! He was fucking asking for it! I said I was sorry! Why co-couldn't he just fucking talk to me?!"

Satsuki shushed her again, stroking her hair and pulling her closer. "Relax, Ryuko, you need to calm down.

Ryuko continued to cry loudly, but soon those cries became quiet sobs, and those turned into barley audible hiccups until she was completely silent. Satsuki held her close and rubbed her back, looking at the mess of thread and blood on the floor before them with tears in her eyes.

"Oh, Ryuko," she whispered, resting her chin atop Ryuko's head, "What are we going to do with you?"

* * *

(A/N:) yay new chapter. this was fun to write. i really like writing emotionally unstable RYuko it's fun. thank you to everyone who faved/followed/reviewed. hope you enjoyed!


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